August 26, 2022
Honestly, fuck this shit!!
I'm so damn tired, over it, done with it all.
Went in today for my ultrasound after pumping the highest dosage of meds for the past five days, and guess what? Two follicles, just TWO! Last time, I had six, and I was already pissed off about that. Then to ovulate prematurely—what a kick in the teeth. I thought, okay, maybe it wasn't meant to be that time, and the next shot would be better.
But here we are, staring at two fucking follicles.
I get it, I'm old, ancient in reproductive years. But seriously, all that money on meds for nothing? I'm just so done with all of it.
I'm throwing in the towel—not on my baby, but on the damn outcome. I'm done with the positive thinking, the affirmations, and the mantras.
Don't feed me that "it only takes one" crap or tell me to just stop trying. And spare me the "it'll happen when you least expect it" nonsense.
I'm letting go. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever's meant to be will be.
My heart hurts, my soul aches—hell, everything hurts.
My doc's changing my meds for the next three days, and I go back on Monday. But what's the point? What difference will it make? More money down the drain!
She told me not to give up, that it's not over yet, to trust, to believe. But I don't have much belief left.
So, screw the outcome. Whatever happens, happens, and that's that.
But seriously, fuck this shit.
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